Drastic Measures (29 Weeks)

Every morning, I take a long, hard look in the mirror and ask myself one of life’s fundamental questions:

Is today the day I’m going to get an outie?

Most unfortunately, this morning the answer was ‘yes’.

Ack! Scroll down, quick!

It’s been coming on for a while, admittedly, but today we moved past the point of no return. There are things in this world you don’t ever need to see, and believe me, friends, the very bottom of your belly button crevice is one of them.

If, hypothetically speaking, you’re the sort of person who gets freaked out by outies, and you’d prefer not to shriek every time you pass a reflective surface, you may wish to take matters into your own hands and tape the thing down.

If, hypothetically speaking, you go ahead with this cunning plan, do try to find a happy medium between plasters (don’t stick at all) and duct tape (sticks far, far too well). Because, frankly, your bump is going through enough without being forcibly waxed and needing a square of Sudocrem painting on it.

I offer this advice with love.

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