A guide to a nine-month-old and a rainy day (or twelve)

It’s raining. Again. Some more. And it’s not raining cats and dogs and it’s not even raining men, which would at least be mildly interesting. It’s just raining.

Have you ever tried to keep a nine-month-old inside a little two-bed flat? It’d be alright if he were the placid finger-chewing type, but he is a baby on a mission. He crawls at 10mph. He heads straight for any flight of stairs he sees. He’s engaged in a long-term project to beat the toilet into submission. This morning, I turned around for a minute and turned back to find him here.

Just scaling the 70lb television, mama. Carry on.

A few days of this and we’re both crawling up the walls, if you see what I mean, and I think you do.

When you’re fresh from a week inside and have the prospect of yet another indoor day on your hands, we respectfully submit a few suggestions for your rainy-day entertainment.

1. Bathroom Olympics

You may wish to keep your baby away from bathroomy germs. Nonsense. Babies LOVE bathrooms, and he’s about to go in the bath anyway. There are toilet handles to press, toilet paper to scrabble around in, mirror babies to chat with and a spin cycle in the corner. And that’s before he gets to any water. Be still his heart.

(Just a warning: you may also find yourself playing the game of How Long Once The Nappy’s Off Till He Pees On The Floor. Answer: three and a half minutes. If it makes it any better, you could take bets.)

2. Sleep

You could stay inside. Or, you could stay inside IN BED. It’s been a while since I’ve napped when he naps, but today felt like a bed-friendly day.

3. Dress like a pirate

Do you need a reason? Shiver me housework. Much better than the original.

4. Get out ALL THE TOYS

Make an assault course of forgotten teddy bears. Good cardio.

5. Learn some showtunes

Jazz it up a little. You know the neighbours won’t mind.

Happy weekend to you, lovely people. May it feature at least one false moustache, because that’s where the action is.

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