Why I want to miss my kids

I’ve just done something ridiculous. But my goodness, it doesn’t feel ridiculous. It feels like the best decision I EVER MADE.

Tomorrow night, I am skipping off to a hotel room – in my own town, no less – for the sole purpose of getting a full night’s sleep. You know when you start off by joking about something, and then you’re not joking, you’re hinting, and then you’re not even hinting, you’re getting this thing done, don’t argue with me? It happened like that.

I love these boys. They do things to my insides that chocolate brownie never managed. I could have a hundred conversations with Henry and that ‘how are you, sir?’ routine he does would make me laugh every time. And oh, my little Teds. He waits so much longer for my attention than Henry ever had to, and does it with such grace; as soon as anyone looks at him the most ludicrous double-chinned grin takes over his face. What a dreamboat.

I love them. And they are running me into the ground. Four months of broken nights and busy days, where I live inside minute after frantic minute, have frazzled me silly. So Timothy is doing tomorrow’s night shift and I have big, big plans of a bath, a book and an 8pm bedtime. I can remind myself that I have a body of my own and a self to myself. There is a sphere in which I can move without needing to be defined by who I am to others.

This all seems like a lot of philosophizing about an evening painting my nails in the Hilton. But I will drive back on Saturday morning and find I have made enough space to miss them. And I’ll run back upstairs to find their faces look like new.

Oh, aren’t you just lovely? I will think. Aren’t you just a many-splendored thing?

Missing a little – a very little – is good for the soul. Even if only from across town.

Photo 23-10-2013 12 59 46 PM

Joined at the hip. Or the hand, more often.

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9 thoughts on “Why I want to miss my kids

  1. Oh thats such a brilliant idea. I’d probably go to a friend’s house. BTW is Edward formula fed or are you pumping? I’m planning to pump for the only reason of being able to leave her and do something else.

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    • He’s completely formula-fed now (long story, which I’ll probably tell on here at some point) – I feel quite conflicted about it still, but one of the advantages is that someone can take over my night shift occasionally 🙂

      I’d definitely recommend pumping and giving it to her in a bottle, once your breastfeeding is going well – it’s good to be able to leave them for short spells, plus if you don’t give babies a bottle experience within a certain time, they never learn how to use one. Which can be a pain as they get older and you need more flexibility!

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  2. Oh, just slightly jealous! I can’t manage to make myself go to bed early even at home, or I end up not seeing Rich at all. I bet you’re the same. Though I do intend to spend most of Thursday sleeping as the lovely in laws are taking my big ones out for the day 🙂

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    • Sounds perfect – get it done! My dilemma is the same: evenings are so short, and it’s the only time I get to see Tim/catch up with news/write anything at all. That’s why it was great to be forced out of the house by myself!

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